September 4, 2013   1 note

im writing a zone about my experiences at mcds/fast food complete w/illustrations so if u have ever worked there submit stories to me!!!!

August 12, 2013   5 notes

the sky is white and blank

clouds are stretching and reaching and covering up everything vital

i need the sun, to fill me up and warm me again

i need the stars to dazzle and excite me

i need the moon to shine and mystify

i need lightning to shake my windows and wake me

but all i get are clouds

June 16, 2013   3 notes

she smelled like sunblock when i kissed her

her lips were wet, like the pool she climbed out of

they tasted like cheap rum, but i savored every bit

her hair was stringy from the chlorine, mine was soft and dry

she pulled me towards her

we fell into the pool, and i, into her

we were underwater for what seemed like hours

i’ve been drowning in her body ever since

June 14, 2013

last night i dreamt i couldn’t find a job anywhere else so i decided to try out to be a stripper

i was a little off to the music and thought i blew my audition so i came back like 10 more times dressed as other people that did way worse than me so i was hired

my stripper name was Lucretia Fox, i’ve googled that name and all the results are southern women who died before 1999

on my first day i was busy trying to make the whiteboard in the strip club look nice and apparently sat there for almost my entire first shift

when i realized my shift was almost over a man asked for a dance and tipped me $745 for it

the next day i was asked to join in some orgy (which i did because i thought i was supposed to) and when it was over the dude only tipped me $20

i decided i had to use the restroom and there wasn’t one in the club so i had to walk across the street to the gas station in a corset and tights

the bathroom was the most disgusting bathroom i have ever encountered

every toilet overflowed when you flushed, some had salsa in the bowls (???)

there were both men and women in the bathroom and they acted like it was just fine

i couldnt get my outfit wet because it was almost time to go to work so i painstakingly went to the bathroom

when it was over i went back to the club. my family was there, super proud that i had actually found a job. i told them if i was asked to give a dance they would have to leave

the dude that only tipped me $20 was back and wanted me again basically to dryhump me 

it was the smallest and most ashamed i have ever felt in a dream

the dude was talking throughout this and mentioned that he was going to new york

in a flash i was there and i was a different woman

i caught a bus after saying goodbye to some guy i was crushing on

i started to panic and googled whether strippers are paid a wage along with their tips, just in case their tips don’t add up to much

i came across a yahoo answers page that was just this girl asking about a stripper friend she’d met on a forum

i never really figured out the answer in the dream

June 13, 2013

another dream i had last night was even weirder

i went to a bar that was close to a home i was the realtor of and prepping to sell

there weren’t many people in the bar but a figure came up to me to hug me

the patrons sat with bated breath to see my reaction

the figure was something like slender man i guess, meant to scare me

i took the hug and didn’t feel any fear

this angered the figure 

i left the bar and went back to the home i was selling

i found a room that i was previously unaware of and inside were white, plastic looking, blank heads, blank arms and legs, and clothes and wigs to go along with them

it was some sort of supply room that looked weird compared to the fairly ritzy apartment. i heard some noises and decided i had to leave

suddenly, i was in a crisis with my family

these faceless plastic figures were after us

when they caught a victim they would scoop two holes in your face, for what reason i’m not entirely sure

i was back at the apartment

it was empty

i took a look at the island counter in the middle of the kitchen and there were two waffle irons built into it

in a flash it was a different scene

there was an old woman and a few other people in there, baking

i saw a stack of cookie dough shapes that had been cut 

when she wasn’t looking i grabbed a small stack and shoved them in my mouth and ate them

end dream

June 13, 2013   2 notes

last night i dreamt i was offered meth to smoke and i took it

i puffed on a pipe with a round glass ball at the end 

when it hit me i felt the warmest, most enveloping feeling i’d ever had in my life. i felt like i was the fire of a rocket ship, soaring through the air, and at the same time i was simmering, bubbling, and humming, and still

afterwards i felt deep regret and the need to tell people what i had done

i told the first people i saw, my ex youth group friend and a young adult pastor who added me on facebook recently

their eyes widened with shock but i didn’t feel any shame, i was completely unabashed

i don’t know what spurred this dream but it has made me feel highly uneasy

June 12, 2013   1 note

i’m going to my local amusement park tomorrow and i’m excited like i’m 10 and it’s christmas eve

i used to go once every year with my extended family and it was my favorite day out of the entire 365 every time, by a long shot

for around ten years now my family has been struggling financially, but every year, the first weekend of september, my great grandma would pay for about 30 of her relatives to go to this park

the park used to be owned by paramount movie studios and i remember the best thing in the world was walking up to the gate in the early fall and hearing the score to Indiana Jones echoing around the parking lot

to me, it was an adventure every time

first stop was pizza by the long line of fountains, and waiting for my extended family to arrive and gather up into a big group

later, in the evening we’d get chili, just my immediate family

after dark we’d ride my favorite roller coaster, The Beast, otherwise known as the world’s longest wooden roller coaster, it was the best because they’d let it go just a liiiittle faster than usual, and you hurtled through the pitch black forest feeling like there may very well be a beast out there, inches away from the tracks. it was exhilarating.

as the night would draw to a close every year, the firework show would begin, framed by the replica eiffel tower that stood in the front of the park, and every year i felt as though that day was one that was truly magical, truly extraordinary, truly beautiful compared to the rest of my life

in 2009 my great grandma passed on the day we visited the park, a few days after the last time i saw her and so did our tradition of a yearly visit and since then i bought a pass and have gone a few times
on the day of our passing we took a group photo and placed it in her coffin a few days later, at her funeral

i know it’s just some simple amusement park and there may be better ones in the world but that place was my favorite place to be on earth, where everything went right and everything was adrenaline and everything was thrilling and a place for peace and family love and an escape for a day and i hope i never forget how incredible it felt to walk up to that gate, with boundless joy, with eternal hope, and with blissful inner peace that comes with being in your absolute favorite place

June 7, 2013   6 notes

ENOUGH

ENOUGH SLEEPING WHEN EVERYONE ELSE IS AWAKE

ENOUGH LATE NIGHT WALKS WITH A BOXCUTTER IN MY PURSE AND MOURNFUL ACOUSTIC MUSIC IN MY EARS 

ENOUGH BLOWING OFF MY FRIENDS IN FAVOR OF SITTING ALONE IN MY ROOM WITH A LAPTOP TO WARM ME INSTEAD OF COMPANY

ENOUGH BEING A CAUTIONARY TALE ABOUT DROPOUTS

ENOUGH SPURNING PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT JUST BECAUSE IT’S SCARY

ENOUGH CRYING ABOUT MY LIFE INSTEAD OF MAKING AN EFFORT

ENOUGH FEAR

ENOUGH HOPELESSNESS

ENOUGH SELF-LOATHING

ENOUGH

May 31, 2013   2 notes

THE PASSENGER

i’m the passenger

i never pick the destination

it’s someone else’s whims, someone else’s imperative, someone else’s ideas

i’m just along for the ride

i’ve taken control before, don’t get me wrong

i play at it

pretending i know how to steer, laughing off my trepidation

slowly, slowly, it slips out of my fingers as my grip becomes sweaty

i could gradually stop, park, let out a breath

but i don’t

i never stop, i go full speed, and i crash fantastically into whatever just so happens to be in my way

sometimes it’s money

or friends

or some lovelorn boy i convinced i could drive

NEWSFLASH: i am a murderer of love and of earnesty and of sincerity

i’m so sorry

i’ll get out

i’m better off walking

or better yet, you could drive. i’ll just come along.

May 31, 2013   2 notes

i loved you so much

because it felt like a personal accomplishment every time i made you smile

because you so hard to reach

because you were so jaded

because it felt like i won you, in a sick way

because it was secret

because i had to try so hard to get you to like me

not because you were anything i needed 

not because you made me feel good

but because you were a mountain to climb

that is why i loved you